Four Pieces of Advice You Should Never Take From Your Captain

 

Most pilots are self-proclaimed experts on EVERYTHING. I recently had a conversation with a captain about some renovations I did to my house – which included a complete remodel of a master bath and kitchen.

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Flight Attendant Joe (The Book) Is Available NOW!

 

Ebook and paperback available on Amazon.

Coming to iTunes, Nook, and Kobo SOON!

Buy the paperback and download the ebook for FREE! 

10 Years Later… What Does Being A Flight Attendant Mean To Me?

Today is the day, the day that I’ve been thinking about for — let’s see? — I guess 10 years. 

The day when I have officially been employed as a flight attendant for a decade. I remember back in 2008 saying, “Wow. If I’m still here in 10 years, it will be 2018 and I will be 45 years old.”

I am still a flight attendant and all those other statements are still true.

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Man Sexually Assaults Woman on Spirit Flight

 

I recently wrote a post about a United passenger who smeared his shit all over the airplane. I joked, “He had already spread his shit all over the place, what’s left — fingerbanging a flight attendant and trying to break into the flight deck?

I had no clue that last week, on a Spirit Airlines flight, a male passenger actually attempted that exact thing. Not with a flight attendant but a female passenger.

Yes, he attempted the old  — fingerbang while the person next to me is sleeping — game.  

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United Airlines Has A Sh&!ty Passenger!

Do you really need to have — not spread my shit all over an airplane lavatory — as a resolution for the new year?

Most of us don’t, but one guy does.

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Flight Attendant Joe: Top Five Posts of 2017

TOP FIVE BLOG POSTS

For 2017

 

 

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Understanding Pilot Personalities

What an honor it is to guest write a post for the Flight Attendant Joe blog. For the record, I’m a pilot at a major airline. I can’t tell you which one, so don’t ask. 

Anyone in the airline industry who’s been flying long enough knows the answer to the question, “What separates the sluts from the assholes?”

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Drama: Southwest Airlines Pilot Arrested at STL with loaded gun in carry on bag.

I know for a fact (or maybe I just made this up) that there are probably flight attendants out there who are afraid to bring their vibrators to work on a four day trip for fear of them falling out of their bag in the TSA line.

Not this pilot… he brought a loaded weapon.

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A Letter To My 11 Year Old Self

November 10, 2017

Dear Joe,

Before you crinkle up this paper and throw it into the wastebasket next to the window, I implore you to read it. If not for you, for me — because I am you. But from 34 years in the future.

I am sending this to you on your 11th birthday, November 10, 1983, so pay attention.

Seriously, turn down your walkman and listen to me carefully. Trust me, you’ll have plenty of years to listen to Madonna’s Lucky Star. And honestly, you are in for such a treat — wait until 1998 when she releases Ray of Light.

Oh, and 2005, Confessions on a Dance Floor.

I figured that would get your attention.

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National Coming Out Day 2017… Flight Attendant Joe’s Story

It’s National Coming Out Day. I just learned that it was founded in the United States in 1988. That’s interesting because that’s actually the year I came out, but I had no idea it was actually a “thing” to come out.
 
Here’s my story…

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A Tribute to Ali Strickland!

This was taken in February 2014 in Boston. Ali always made you smile. Always.

When I am in pain or sad, I find writing my feelings out to be as cathartic as downing a few bottles of wine. To be honest, I usually do that too.

Earlier this week, I heard the news that my friend and coworker, Ali Strickland, passed away. It was quite shocking and came out of nowhere. After reading the posts on Facebook, and confirming with a friend that she was no longer with us, I sat on my bed staring at the wall asking the questions I expect everyone asks when someone they care about dies… What? How? When? What? How is that possible? 

Then… Why do all the good ones die so soon?

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Dear Journal, it’s me… Flight Attendant Joe

I’m back writing in a journal again. To be honest, I haven written in a journal in months. Possibly a year. I’m disappointed that I haven’t kept up this tradition. But after starting again while I was on vacation, I’m writing in it daily. I had stopped journaling because I became annoyed with writing it out on paper. My hand would cramp up. I don’t want carpal tunnel because I like to write. And, who actually writes anymore? This isn’t 1964. I found a new journal app that I can use on my phone AND my laptop so… I’m back in business. 

When I journal, I don’t think about what I’m writing. I just let it flow. When I’m done, I go back and read it. If it’s something I want to share, I’ll start sharing it on the blog. I’m actually contemplating publishing my vacation journal as a short story. We shall see.

Do you keep a journal? It’s extremely cathartic. Try it.

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10 Things You Should Never Do On Your Flight

It’s absolutely true that there are citizens of the planet Earth who have NEVER stepped foot onto an airplane. It’s shocking, but it’s accurate. I don’t get it, but it’s the truth. It’s mind-blowing and bizarre, but so was the election of Donald J. Trump. These “new” flyers are easy to spot because they walk on the airplane as if they are stepping onto the bridge of the U.S.S Enterprise. It’s a Boeing 737, not a space cruiser. It’s like watching a straight guy enter a gay club for the first time. They step off the jet bridge, walk a few feet inside the airplane, and their eyes grow wider than mine when I see Halo Top ice cream on sale at the grocery store. (Have you tried Halo Top? It’s life changing.) It’s so new they can’t contain themselves. They giggle. They point. They look in the flight deck and they usually need help reading their boarding pass. It’s almost too much for some of these passengers. As these newbies step on, and I greet them with a smile, I often feel the urge to politely remind them that (a) this is not a space ship and (b) we’re on our way to San Diego and NOT Europa. Can you imagine that flight? I complain about working a flight from JFK to Las Vegas, Talk about sore fucking feet. Oy vey! 

There are hundreds — thousands? — of lists for airline passengers out there, I can’t even keep up. Honestly, I’ve written my share, and guess what — I’ve written another one. This one is for people who need a friendly reminder about a few basics they should never be found guilty of on a flight, whether it’s a flight to: London, Honolulu, or — if you are reading this in 2284 — the dwarf planet, Ceres.

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Flight Attendant Stories: The Knee Surgery Passenger

When I arrived at the gate to work the Dominican Republic flight, I saw a note on the manifest stating a passenger was requesting an entire row because he recently had knee surgery. It was a full flight. I brought this up to the gate agent and he said, “Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.”

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Flight Attendant Joe Stories: Traveling With A Lap Child

I did NOT take this picture. I am not that old. I am not even old enough to be that kid. Photo provided by SAS Scandinavian Airlines

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post for the blog. I am truly sorry.

Let me clarify, that apology is not directed towards readers. It’s an apology to myself for not posting more on the blog and for not sticking to a promise I made when the calendar struck 2017. It was a simple promise, a promise where I said I’d post at least once a week on the blog. 

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