According to CBS News, a female passenger was removed from a Delta flight early Monday morning in Detroit Metropolitan Airport. Flight 2083, bound for San Diego, had a slight delay after police were called to assist with the removal of a woman who refused to leave the airplane.
Reports state she did not follow proper boarding techniques. had an attitude on the airplane, and complained about overhead bin space. When the airline asked her to deplane, she did not comply. When the police arrived, they attempted to talk her into walking off the airplane — you know, like a normal human being — but she chose to be dragged off like a recently shot moose.
First off, we all have problems. We even all have bad mornings. Did she miss her cup of coffee? Cold shower? Maybe she got bumped from first class? I have no idea, but we ALL have problems. Get it together — this isn’t the Real Housewives of Detroit — it’s an airport.
If you happen to find yourself in this type of situation, here’s a few things to ponder:
- When the airline asks you to leave the airplane — just do it. You don’t own the airplane. You rented a seat. It’s just like a restaurant, bar, or bathhouse — the airline can refuse service to you at anytime.
- Stop being a bitch about overhead bin space. IT DOESN’T BELONG TO YOU!!
- When you get mouthy with the flight attendants, pilots, or gate agents you will most often get booted off the airplane. Remember that. We are not joking. Flight attendants love kicking off assholes. It’s better than when pilots buy us coffee. Save your mouth for Twitter like most of these passengers.
- If the police arrive… you are fucked. Hold your head up though. (See #5)
- Getting removed from a flight isn’t the end of the world. The airline probably won’t even ban you from flying on them again. Get dragged off by the police, well that’s an entirely different story.
- When the police arrive (if it gets that far) try and have some dignity and use the two legs the Universe gave you. Stop being so fucking selfish and lazy — some people don’t even have the luxury of walking off the airplane with their real legs.
- As the police officer drags your dead weight down the aisle of the airplane, take a moment to wonder where you went wrong in your life. If you were seated in the back of the airplane — you will have plenty of time.
- If you have children, give them up for adoption. Nobody is proud of a parent who has to be dragged off a fucking airplane.
- Screaming, “I have the best lawyer in town,” really just means, “I’m a drunk who had too many mimosas this morning.”
- Finally, tuck in your shirt, so that I — and the entire internet — doesn’t have to be punished by watching all your spare tires go down the aisle.