United Airlines Has A Sh&!ty Passenger!

Do you really need to have — not spread my shit all over an airplane lavatory — as a resolution for the new year?

Most of us don’t, but one guy does.

According to CBS News, United Airlines flight #895, on it’s way from Chicago to Hong Kong, diverted to Anchorage, Alaska after a male passenger felt the urge to paint the walls of a few airplane lavatories with his shit. If that wasn’t good enough, he then tried flushing his shirt down the toilet.

Police representatives at Ted Stevens International Airport, or as I like to call them — the Airport Shit Investigation Unit — stated that once the incident was over, the passenger was seated and cooperated with the flight attendants while they diverted.

I am sure he did cooperate. He had already spread his shit all over the place, what’s left — fingerbanging a flight attendant and trying to break into the flight deck?

Thankfully, that did not happen.

My question is, how did he have the opportunity to spread his feces all over TWO lavatories? Not just one, but two.

Was he walking around the airplane with shit all over himself while curious passengers asked, “Did they serve pudding? Damn it. I wanted pudding.”

No ma’am. You do NOT want that pudding.

I would think someone would have noticed him going from one lavatory to another — COVERED IN SHIT — but then again, I’ve been so busy on the airplane that I’ve missed some passenger stealing wine from the galley cart.  

It’s almost the same thing. Almost.

The CBS News reports that the passenger was taken to the local hospital for a psych evaluation. I’m thinking this may be the start of a long evaluation.

Most likely, he already takes medication and stopped taking them. This is not uncommon among people who take mental health medication and then stop. In 2001, when I was a nurse, I worked on a psych unit in the ER. It was treacherous work but taught me so much about mental health.

In my book, Fasten Your Seat Belts And Eat Your Nuts (yes, that’s a plug) I referenced a story regarding a young woman who was pregnant, stopped taking her schizophrenic medication, and screamed for hours that she was carrying Hitler’s baby.

Mental health illness is serious business, and it’s even more serious stuck in an airplane at 38,000 feet with a passenger spreading his shit all over the airplane.