Flight Attendant Stories: The Knee Surgery Passenger

When I arrived at the gate to work the Dominican Republic flight, I saw a note on the manifest stating a passenger was requesting an entire row because he recently had knee surgery. It was a full flight. I brought this up to the gate agent and he said, “Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.”

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Why Do People Get So Crazy Once They Are On The Airplane?

In all my years as a flight attendant, the one question that always floats around my mind is, “Why do these people get so crazy on the airplane?”

Is it the recirculated air? The entire TSA process (which who could blame them)?Having their toothpaste and water bottles thrown into the trash at security like ticking time bombs?

What is it? Why the fuck do people turn into lunatics once they walk onto the airplane? More…

Just A Wedding Comedian In Kansas City

Photograph provided by Nicole Bissey from Nicole Bissey Photography.

It’s been almost three months since I’ve written a new blog post. With the holidays, marketing Fasten Your Seat Belts And Eat Your Fucking Nuts, writing a second book, writing a television show, emceeing a wedding, starting a stand up career, being married, and having two extremely needy cats… I’m kinda shocked that I haven’t run away to go live in the mountains.

Holy shit! I forgot to add flying around in an airplane collecting stories for future books. I still do that. What a minute? That came out wrong. I meant to say, flying around in an airplane providing award winning service to thousands of airline passengers going from point A to point B.

That’s what I meant… in case anyone from my airline is reading this.

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Enter The Flight Attendant Story Contest

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Do you have an amazing flight attendant story? A bitch flight attendant who served you stale nuts? A brave flight attendant who carried you out of a burning airplane? Someone you worked with who made your skin crawl? Share your story for a chance to win.

Prize: An Autographed copy of Fasten Your Seat Belts and Eat Your Fucking Nuts

Contest Rules:

  • Must be 18 years old to enter
  • Must have a US mailing address to receive prize
  • Write your story in the body of an email to joe+fastories@flightattendantjoe.com
  • Try to keep entries under 300 words
  • The finalists will be posted on the Flight Attendant Joe blog and voted on by readers
  • Let me know in your email if you do not want your real name published with your story.
  • Entries must be received by Friday, August 26, 2016
  • Now… get your ass to writing them stories!

Fasten Your Seat Belts And Eat Your Fucking Nuts — Coming July 21, 2016

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I am so humbled by this advanced reading review of Fasten Your Seat Belts And Eat Your Fucking Nuts. Seriously, humbled. I read this standing in the grocery store line and almost started crying. There is nothing scarier than being a creative person and putting your words out for the world to judge. When I read negative feedback from people I often think, “And what the fuck are YOU doing? Nothing! So shut the fuck up!”

This first review means a lot to me. First off, this is a dear friend. Second, she is an actor (who has actually been on television–I’ve just been on an airplane serving Diet Cokes), a writer, a stand up comedian, an acting coach and educator, and so much more.

On days when I feel low and the world is beating the shit out of me, I will remember these kind words regarding my first publication. (Side note: my manager is cringing because I wrote “regarding”. Apparently, he hates that word.)

 

Flight Attendant Stories: Stop Trying To Figure Strangers Out

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The other day I posted a story on the Flight Attendant Joe Facebook page about an interaction with a passenger. The female passenger sitting in 6C… the story went like this:

A female passenger ordered a hot tea and said, “I’m sorry.”
I responded, “Why are you sorry?”
“Well, whenever I fly, I order a hot tea and the flight attendants roll their eyes. I know you guys hate making hot beverages.”
“Oh no,” I said leaning in towards her, “it’s no problem. I’m sorry that’s happened to you. I’ll make you ten hot teas if you want.”
We both laughed. Later in the flight she ordered a red wine.
When I brought it to her I said, “I’m going to buy your wine for you tonight. Think of it as an apology for all the flight attendants that have rolled their eyes at you.”

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In Loving Memory of My Beloved Grandmother. 01/3/23 – 04/05/95

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Recovering from knee surgery at my grandparent’s house. That’s my grandmother, Lorette, holding me up. She always held me up. My grandfather is watching sports from his chair. Circa 1986.

A good family member is hard to find. But I had one once, it was my grandmother, and today marks the 21st year anniversary of her death.

Note to reader: This is a personal post regarding my childhood and has nothing to do with flight attendant comedy.

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Flight Attendant Stories: Understanding Someone’s Pain

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After we taxied to the gate in Salt Lake City, I was excited my work day was ending. My mind was filled with plans for my layover; hiking the trails along City Creek, taking in the snow and fresh mountain air, and finally shopping for dinner at Harmons Grocery. I really love that grocery store.

While sitting on my jumpseat I looked over towards the passenger seated in 1D. She was traveling with her two children and crying hysterically. Uncontrollably. Her entire body shook while she cradled her face in one of her hands. My first thought was she was afraid of flying and scared from our landing. I found that to be odd because it wasn’t a frightening landing. I mean – it didn’t feel like skating along freshly smoothed ice – but it also wasn’t like bouncing over speed bumps down a residential street. 

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A Quick Guide To Figure Out If Your Flight Attendant Is Hitting On You!

 

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Have you ever walked on an airplane and felt like the flight attendant was making eyes at you? Possibly wiping drool from the side of their mouth or fanning themselves while the air conditioner blew ice cold air over the entire cabin. Maybe there was an overly friendly, “Welcome aboard,” or a unexpected compliment about your ripped up tank top and blown out sneakers. I know some flight attendants that wouldn’t stop themselves from saying. “DAMN! Did we just fly through some clouds and interrupt an angel convention?” 

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Cabin On The Oregon Coast | My Personal Journal! Part 2

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Walking up to the cabin on a cloudy morning start.

And the story continues…

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Cabin On The Oregon Coast | My Personal Journal!

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Looking up at the Shag’s Nest from the path that leads to the beach.

When I went on vacation last month I challenged myself to keep a journal of the entire experience. Something that I would keep to recall my time away at the Shag’s Nest with Matt. I had no intentions to post this journal on Flight Attendant Joe, but to keep it locked away somewhere so that I could easily go back and reflect on the memories.

I had never written a journal before; I didn’t know what to expect. Most of my writing involves lists, more lists, and scraps of paper that fill my desk like pieces of hidden candy. I immediately fell in love with journaling and after reading my entries knew that it was something I wanted to share on Flight Attendant Joe.

Enjoy!

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Go Fly A Kite!

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I’ve never flown a kite. Weird, right? The idiom ‘go fly a kite’ was lost on me my entire life. Flying a kite is one of those activities every child should experience during their youth. It’s up there with: skipping school, french kissing your gym teacher, smoking cigarettes, and riding a bicycle.

Alright, I’ll confess – I’ve never smoked a cigarette. I’ve also never flown a kite.

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I Deleted Facebook And Feel Great About It.

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Deactivating my personal Facebook profile is something that I’ve been longing to do for months. I wanted to separate myself from Facebook but didn’t want to lose my page for The Joe Show. You can’t have a page without a personal profile and I finally found a loophole to keep one – but eliminate the other. Even though I don’t want Facebook for my personal life it is a vital source of traffic for my blog.

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Flight Attendant Stories: A Note From 1D

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The other night I was working an East to West Coast flight with a layover at home. Those are my favorite;  there is nothing – and I repeat – NOTHING better than sleeping in your own bed. It’s something that I miss every night that I am away from home.

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10 Reasons To Love Being A Flight Attendant

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The other day I was challenged by a friend to write something positive about being a flight attendant. This struck me funny because I love my job. This friend wasn’t the first person to bring this up to me. People think because I try to write funny (and I do mean try) sarcastic posts about passengers and their inability to travel like human beings that I dislike my job. It’s quite the opposite. I love my job.

I mean when someone shits all over the airplane lav toilet seat – you write about it.

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