One of my favorite things about Facebook is the On This Day feature. I love looking back to see where I was, or what I was thinking — or doing — on a specific day. This morning while sitting on the patio drinking my coffee, I came across a comment from 2013 where someone asked me to write a post about air conditioning etiquette on the airplane. What do I do if it’s too cold? What do I do when I’m sweating my balls off? Why is there mist coming into the airplane? Are we all gonna die?
You know, the important questions that float across your mind while sitting in your middle seat squished between some young guy wearing shorts, a tank top, and flip flops and some old lady covering herself in three wool sweaters.
My first suggestion is… BE NICE! Be nice to your flight attendant when inquiring about the temperature on the airplane. I can’t stress this enough, so I will say it again, in big bold letters — BE NICE TO YOUR FLIGHT ATTENDANT WHEN INQUIRING ABOUT THE TEMPERATURE ON THE AIRPLANE!
Is it me or has everyone gone crazy?
USA Today Travel published an article regarding a Skywest flight attendant, Justin Cox-Sever, and his involvement in causing two emergency landings. The first one from July 7 and the most recent on September 9 when he stuffed a bag with towels and then reported to the flight deck that he found an unoccupied bag that was beeping. Both aircraft diverted and after searched by authorities found no life threatening devices.
Dear Simple Minded Ignorant Bigots,
Hi. It’s Flight Attendant Joe. You know, the inappropriate gay guy who runs a blog and writes stupid jokes about mean flight attendants, horny pilots, and asshole airline passengers. Yeah, that’s him. The guy writing the book. Yup!
Hot Damn! Why can’t I ever be behind the dude who gets butt naked at the security checkpoint?
I’m afraid of guns. Well, let me rephrase that – I fear the power that is unleashed from a gun. Because of that fear while I was vacationing in Florida I asked a friend to take me shooting. I often talk about fear and the control it has over our lives. Fear is toxic so I wanted to face this fear head on.
If I was mayor of Tacoma my first order of business would be to rename this fountain – Fish Bukkake!
Second order of business would be to replace the water with a nice Pinot Grigio for afternoon picnics and Saturday afternoon bukkake parties*.
*All Saturday afternoon bukkake parties are subject to city council approval.
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico is a fantastic destination to spend a week doing absolutely nothing. That is – once you get over Montezuma’s Revenge and peel yourself off the toilet. When I travel I never take a moment to just BE. I am always on the go and barely get enough sleep each night to tackle what I have on my agenda for the next day. For years I’ve been telling myself that I should take a vacation where I am forced to lay around reading, eating, and drinking. I thought the only way I would experience a vacation like that would be to prison myself on a cruise ship. I was wrong.
Before I took to the skies as a flight attendant I spent many years as a nurse. One of my most memorable moments was being bite on the arm by a crazy lady in the ER who thought she was carrying Hitler’s baby. Oh yeah – and when I gave an unplanned douche to a lady patient when I was trying to administer an enema. Her exact words were, “Joe, that’s my vagina!”
Flight attendants spend so much time calling passengers out on their terrible behavior that I felt it was time to do something nice for good passengers. Why? Because even though some of them our challenging – that’s the nice way to say difficult – they do keep us employed and for that – I am grateful. With that said, if you are a bad airline passenger please don’t read any further.
Why do passengers leave this kinda mess behind? Flight attendants pass through the aircraft multiple times with trash bags and carts to pick up unwanted items. There is no reason to find this in the seat back pocket on ANY commercial aircraft. Also, you shouldn’t raise your children to think leaving trash behind for someone else to clean is acceptable.
Think of the CHILDREN!
A few weeks ago I was craving a meatball sub from Subway. I know – not the healthiest thing in the world – but when a craving strikes you really have to satisfy it. I like my meatball subs a little different than normally served. My meatballs like to be dressed with barbecue sauce, pickles, and then caked with a layer of mozzarella cheese. I know, right? Amazing!
I will go on record stating that photographs are not allowed inside Windsor Castle. I believe my cell phone snapped this amazing picture without my knowledge. Cell phones – they are sneaky creatures.
This is my favorite room in Windsor Castle. The blue is so sharp and I won’t lie – I wanted to roll around on that carpet like a cat.