Posts tagged ‘flight attendant’

10 Years Later… What Does Being A Flight Attendant Mean To Me?

Today is the day, the day that I’ve been thinking about for — let’s see? — I guess 10 years. 

The day when I have officially been employed as a flight attendant for a decade. I remember back in 2008 saying, “Wow. If I’m still here in 10 years, it will be 2018 and I will be 45 years old.”

I am still a flight attendant and all those other statements are still true.

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Man Sexually Assaults Woman on Spirit Flight

 

I recently wrote a post about a United passenger who smeared his shit all over the airplane. I joked, “He had already spread his shit all over the place, what’s left — fingerbanging a flight attendant and trying to break into the flight deck?

I had no clue that last week, on a Spirit Airlines flight, a male passenger actually attempted that exact thing. Not with a flight attendant but a female passenger.

Yes, he attempted the old  — fingerbang while the person next to me is sleeping — game.  

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United Airlines Has A Sh&!ty Passenger!

Do you really need to have — not spread my shit all over an airplane lavatory — as a resolution for the new year?

Most of us don’t, but one guy does.

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Flight Attendant Joe Stories: Traveling With A Lap Child

I did NOT take this picture. I am not that old. I am not even old enough to be that kid. Photo provided by SAS Scandinavian Airlines

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post for the blog. I am truly sorry.

Let me clarify, that apology is not directed towards readers. It’s an apology to myself for not posting more on the blog and for not sticking to a promise I made when the calendar struck 2017. It was a simple promise, a promise where I said I’d post at least once a week on the blog. 

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Dear Airline Passengers… It’s National Flight Attendant Day

Why Do People Get So Crazy Once They Are On The Airplane?

In all my years as a flight attendant, the one question that always floats around my mind is, “Why do these people get so crazy on the airplane?”

Is it the recirculated air? The entire TSA process (which who could blame them)?Having their toothpaste and water bottles thrown into the trash at security like ticking time bombs?

What is it? Why the fuck do people turn into lunatics once they walk onto the airplane? More…

Flight Attendant Stories: Airline Call In Sick Policies Are Kinda Bullshit

On the last trip I worked — over the Christmas/Hannukah holiday — I worked with a flight attendant who came to work sick. Billy was more than sick, he looked like he was about to die.

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Top 5 Books For That Special Flight Attendant In Your Life

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Do you hear that clock ticking? No… it’s not your biological clock. Or maybe it is — I don’t know. If so, that’s something you will have to discuss with someone else. I am here to talk about the clock that’s ticking towards the holiday season. Whether you celebrate or worship: Hanukkah, Jesus Christ, Mohammad, Kwanzaa, L.R.Hubbard, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone, or Lady Gaga — these books are the perfect gift for that flight attendant in your life. 

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Woman dragged off Delta Airlines flight. Don’t let this happen to you.

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Photo by Flight Attendant Joe

According to CBS News, a female passenger was removed from a Delta flight early Monday morning in Detroit Metropolitan Airport. Flight 2083, bound for San Diego, had a slight delay after police were called to assist with the removal of a woman who refused to leave the airplane.

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Flight Attendant Stories: Turning Lemons Into Lemonade!

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If Beyoncé can do it — so can I!

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Have you joined the Party?

PROMOPARTY

 

Click on the link below. Now Available:

iTunes

Amazon eBook

Amazon Paperback

Nook

Kobo

 

Enter The Flight Attendant Story Contest

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Do you have an amazing flight attendant story? A bitch flight attendant who served you stale nuts? A brave flight attendant who carried you out of a burning airplane? Someone you worked with who made your skin crawl? Share your story for a chance to win.

Prize: An Autographed copy of Fasten Your Seat Belts and Eat Your Fucking Nuts

Contest Rules:

  • Must be 18 years old to enter
  • Must have a US mailing address to receive prize
  • Write your story in the body of an email to joe+fastories@flightattendantjoe.com
  • Try to keep entries under 300 words
  • The finalists will be posted on the Flight Attendant Joe blog and voted on by readers
  • Let me know in your email if you do not want your real name published with your story.
  • Entries must be received by Friday, August 26, 2016
  • Now… get your ass to writing them stories!

Flight Attendant Joe reads at the OutWrite Book Festival 2016

Photo credit to OutWrite Book Festival 2016
Photo credit to OutWrite Book Festival 2016

My nerves were shot. Palms sweaty. And I was short of breath before even walking into the D.C. Center.

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Flight Attendant Joe Stories: Changing Someone’s Day

FAJoestories

Last week was pretty brutal. Actually, brutal is an understatement; it felt more like getting a blow job by someone with braces who doesn’t know how to cover their teeth with their lips.

Ouch is right!

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What You Should Know About Bringing Liquor on Your Next Flight

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Imagine this scenario… You are the flight attendant working a red eye flight from Seattle to Detroit. All your passengers board the flight and nothing seems out of the ordinary. You take off, complete beverage service, and retreat back to the galley to read your book. All 200 passengers are quiet. When it’s your turn to do a security check, you make your way down the aisle and notice a slight commotion at row 17. When you approach the row, 17A is slurring his words, yelling obscenities, and is punching the seat in front of him. 

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